“The Journey” by Amani Morrison, 17

Unable to eat certain foods, constantly feeling sick, barely getting sleep: all the symptoms my mother had before getting diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. Crohn’s hasn’t turned mine or my mom’s life upside down, but it has caused us to navigate life differently when it comes to adjusting with this chronic illness.

I still remember the weeks leading up to her diagnosis. It was about 5 years ago, and COVID had shut the world down. My mom works in healthcare, so she was considered an essential worker, and was put on the frontlines for 3 days out the week; Monday through Wednesday. The days she was at home were tough for her because meals she could once eat started making her sick. She didn’t know what was making her sick, and taking a few sips of Seagrams Ginger Ale could no longer serve as a solution. She was constantly getting her blood drawn, going to doctor appointments, and doing research online to find out why she was feeling this way. My mom was going through a great deal of stress during this time, and I felt useless at this point in time because I didn’t know how to make my mom feel better. All I could do was show up for her, and she was grateful for that, but it felt miserable seeing my mom in this state of confusion of not knowing what was wrong. After weeks of getting tested, going back and forth to work, worrying about catching COVID and bringing it home to me, being stressed, and still not knowing what was wrong, she finally got a diagnosis. My mom sat me down as I came in to check on her and said, “You know how I’ve been feeling sick after I eat certain foods?” As I nodded my head, she said, “I have Crohn’s Disease.”

After my mom told me that, my initial reaction in my head was, “Is my mom going to die?” I know it was an extreme thought to go to, but at the time I had no idea what Crohn’s Disease was or what it entails. Once my mom explained it to me, I felt a little relieved, but confused as to what it meant for my mom going forward. For those who don’t know, Crohn’s Disease affects the digestive tract by causing inflammation. This inflammation can be caused by eating certain foods such as broccoli, grapes, and cherries. Mind you, these are all of my mom’s favorite things to eat, so she was pretty bummed out that she couldn’t eat these anymore. It was definitely a process to figure out what my mom can and can’t eat, but I was willing to give up certain foods if it meant my mom got to feel better. I believe this is around the time my mom started to get hooked on salmon, honey carrots, and Uncle Ben’s coconut rice. This was the one meal that my mom could eat without feeling sick, and I feel like we bonded over this meal because we shared some great times while eating it. While figuring out what she could and couldn’t eat, I was scrolling on TikTok looking for creative meals to try that way so my mom wouldn’t feel left out when it came to meals. She may not have been able to eat her favorite foods anymore, but it didn’t mean her meals still couldn’t be tasty. It was a journey for the both of us, mostly my mom, but I was trying to figure out the best ways to show up for my mom. This was just the beginning though.

Although my mom had gotten a diagnosis and we tried to mediate the type of foods she would eat, she would still be in pain and have days where she could barely get out of bed. It was hard seeing my mom feel this way, even though she tried to put on a brave face everyday. On top of the regular doctor appointments she was having, she had to have more in order to manage Crohn’s. Her joints were starting to “act up” more, and medications that she would once take, could no longer be taken because of Crohn’s, such as ibuprofen or naproxen. My mom did find a medication that worked for her, but she didn’t like the side effects that came with it and she decided to go back to her doctor to find one that best suited her needs and wants. Once she talked to her doctor, she found a medication that worked for her and decided to give it a try. This new medication actually made my mom feel better and her joints had less flare ups as well. However, medication didn’t solve everything. Even though my mom was taking medication that would help with the Crohn’s, she would still feel sick at times and barely have an appetite. While my mom is still trying to make sense of her diagnosis, she’s still going to work and putting her own health at risk to help others. When my mom would come home, she would be exhausted and stressed out. Two things that aren’t good for her because her body wouldn’t be able to rest, and was at risk for having another flare up. There are still some good and bad days, but once my mom got into a flow and figured out what was and wasn’t beneficial to her health, her Crohn’s did get better and we both started to see some improvements.

While this has been a journey for my mom, I feel as if I have grown to understand and see things in a new light. I learned that it can be hard to see a person you care so deeply for, be in pain and have no way of helping them. However, I learned there are different ways to show up. I tried to search for meals that were safe for my mom, I would try to make things less stressful, and overall I would put myself in my mom’s shoes and think of what she would really need. I’m already a very empathetic person, but seeing what my mom went through really made me realize that you have no idea what someone else may be going through, and it made me become more empathetic for the person next to me. I realized that there’s only so much that you can do, and feeling sad wasn’t going to get anyone anywhere. Nevertheless, I decided that it’s better to be there for my mom and show her that I care and will stick by her side, no matter what.

It can be difficult navigating a new diagnosis, especially for something that’s lifelong, but having a support system can make all the difference. Of course I was there for my mom when she found out about her diagnosis, but it was crucial that she had others, besides her child, that she could lean on in times of need. My mom told some of her close friends and family, and as soon as they heard, they were already ready to jump in and help to see what my mom needed. Also, just to let her know that they’re there if she ever needs someone to talk to. Some may think that they can handle something like this on their own, but it’s better to know that you have someone or a few people who are willing to lend a hand. There are moments when someone may want to be vulnerable and not always put up a brave face like everything is fine. That’s why I’m grateful for my mom’s support system, and that I’m a part of it because she has multiple people she can turn to that way so she’ll never feel alone or by herself.

Witnessing my mom being a warrior and persevering through the trials and tribulations that Crohn’s has put her through, has shown me that a diagnosis doesn’t define who you are. To let my mom know that this disease doesn’t have control over her, I came up with a saying, “I have Crohn’s, Crohn’s doesn’t have me.” A simple reminder that this illness doesn’t hold any power over her or her body. While I may not have experienced Crohn’s Disease myself, I have learned a lot about it and how to support my mom as she’s navigating this new journey. I hope others feel moved to share their story, even if they didn’t deal with the chronic illness one on one, like I did.