“Asking For Consideration” by Molka Ben Alaya

It all began when my family had to move to Laval Quebec in 2021 for my dads job. I was excited at first and thought I would enjoy my new life there. However, I struggled so much socially because of the different social culture. I made no friends, often got bullied, and submerged myself into schoolwork. That’s when I developed a passion for my academics, along with major social anxiety. I started doing really well in school, my grades became my only source of happiness, due to family issues and my social life. My mental health got so bad, my family decided to move back to Calgary in 2022 when all my peers were into their second semester of highschool. I had to begin this social struggle all over again. I made a few friends at school but often had no one to sit with at lunch. So I would hide in the library and work even harder academically. Again I enjoyed being an AP student and getting some of the highest grades in class. However, this came with some issues such as my only friend putting me down for it. I lost complete confidence in myself and took off my hijab thinking it might be the reason I struggle so much. I felt slightly better, but my mental struggles were still there. First month back at home, I lost my vision overnight and went to the emergency room. Doctors had no idea what was going on until they did a blood test. My blood sugars were very high and I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. The transition was hard, and I still struggle with it to this day. The thing with Type 1 diabetes, is that there’s no cure, because there are many reasons for why it occurs. My parents and nurses believe it could be due to my severe stress and unhealthy habits developed as a result of my depression and social anxiety. When 11th grade came around my social anxiety worsened, I distanced myself from everyone and became completely isolated in my own company. My grades started to go down too because of how stressed and unfocused I was. My teachers weren’t happy with me, I was getting yelled at in front of everyone for missing test dates due to my health. My teachers wouldn’t understand my diabetes was also in control of my moods and performance. This helped worsen my anxiety and brought my confidence to an all time low. Eventually, I was put on school supported leave where I would do school from home, but would only come into school for assessment.

During my leave, I was put into therapy to get help from a social worker, it wasn’t much help. I took matters into my own hands and started working on my own mental health. I had to put social anxiety first. To overcome this, I decided to start volunteering at a rehab center where I could help others. I improved my communication skills by socializing with residents, setting up events, and assisting nurses and occupational therapists with some patients. I also got a job at a Gluten-Free store. My position was to manage social media to bring awareness to certain dietary topics, I would also educate and help assist customers in store with new health needs such as type 2 diabetes or crohn’s disease. Putting myself out there was a form of exposure therapy. Then grade 12 came around and I began online schooling. I started to get better mentally and took control of my physical health. I learned to manage my diabetes along with the major support I received from my nurses, dietitians and doctors. At this point I had formed a passion for nursing because of their support for others. I started to take charge of my academics again, realizing how hard it has become. I am slowly raising my grades back up and setting goals for myself. I truly believe with discipline and time, I will be a strong student again. My strategies are getting help with tutors, spending extra time with my course lessons, having an organized schedule etc. I began to realize how out of control I had become though. Schedules, planners, and alarms didn’t seem to help me to be on track with my school work again. I was barely able to sit still and focus, even though my blood sugars were in range. I was still seeing my social worker at the time. She had suggested I get an ADHD test done with my doctor because my struggles were very similar to those who had ADHD. Turns out that was the case. I was put on the right medications and able to focus better. I felt like I was gaining control of my life again. Then came around time for university and college applications. For the longest time, I’ve known what I’ve wanted to do. I was inspired by my diabetes nurses, nurses at the rehab center, and doctors who helped make my life, and other people's lives easier. I always knew beforehand I wanted to do something in health too. My little brother grew up having non-verbal autism which was accompanied by many dietary needs and issues. I knew I wanted to become some presence in the health field because of all the help my family received. I was upset that I didn't get into any universities for Nursing, and as an individual with ADHD, I was really good at ignoring things such as issues that didn’t feel good. So I just accepted that I got into a university for psychology on EQA. I was happy I got into university, especially after all the mental breakdowns I had due to my low confidence, thinking my grade defined that I wasn’t getting into any programs. Until about a week ago, my mother looked at me and said “Molka, psychology isn’t you, you’ve always wanted something deeper into the health field”, and in this moment I got so emotional because she was right, psychology is not what I wanted to do, I wanted to be a nurse. I am working incredibly hard to raise my grades, but I truly do believe passion and desire are just as important. Also along this journey I aim to make this as easy as possible on my parents. I do not want to burden them emotionally or financially, I want to do my best to rely on myself and use resources available to me. I am grateful for everything and everyone who were there and continue to be there for me along this journey. I really hope for the best!